Elevator
by Best Mistake
Summary: Funny, really, how much of the defining moments of your life can happen in a ten by twelve foot space. [Meredith]
1. Chapter 1

I tap my foot impatiently on the linoleum floor.

Oh, elevators.

I kind of hate them, to be honest. They just provide too many memories. Laughing with Derek. Kissing Derek. _You're my boss, we really shouldn't be doing this… _Trying not to kiss Derek while having awkward conversations. _I'm over you. _Holding onto my mother's jacket when I was five years old, following her around for surgeries when it was the sitter's rare day off. _Mommy, when can I have a juice? _And, you know, kissing Derek.

I'm grateful that this one is empty when the doors slide open. I press the button for the fourth floor and lean against the back wall, closing my eyes for a moment of peace.

Every time I close my eyes I see his face.

There have been so many times lately when we've had a moment. And usually those moments are in this very elevator. When he looks at me like that – it breaks my heart, but at the same time it's the only thing that keeps me going.

I'm pathetic.

I try to remember the last time I had a good night's sleep and honestly, I can't. Ever since… well, you know. This whole mess.

Actually, it's more than one mess. My entire life is a series of shambles right now.

I need tequila.

I watch the lights change as the doors swing open to pick up a passenger on the next floor. I find myself hoping against hope that it will be him, and at the same time praying it's not.

I look up slowly.

Of course, fate kicks Meredith Grey in the ass _one more time_. It's the one person in the world I would do anything _not_ to be riding in an elevator alone with.

Addison pauses for a moment before stepping in beside me. She gives a small, almost imperceptible nod of greeting as she reaches over to push the button for the fifth floor.

She uses her left hand, and the glimmer of her fourth finger catches my eye. It makes my stomach clench immediately. Funny, how a tiny piece of jewelry can give you a reaction like that. Gold and diamonds, nothing more than metal to prove that she belongs to him… but _god_, that is a pretty nice rock.

I can't help thinking of Derek sliding it onto her finger eleven years ago, and I'm filled with resentment that she found him first.

The elevator seems to take forever to start creeping up again. The silence is absolutely deafening. I remember how I used to think being with Derek was the most awkward thing – now I know that being with his wife is far worse.

"How's your liver patient?" she asks finally, calmly. Her eyes stay glued on the door in front of us.

"He's doing okay. The transplant's scheduled for this afternoon." I hope I sound as cool and professional as she does. I can't help admiring the woman who has my McLife. She's an amazing doctor, much as it kills me to admit it. She's got legs for days, and she's… so. Freaking. Nice.

She absently runs a hand through her hair. I wonder, does Derek really like redheads? Should I die my hair?

Oh, good lord, now I'm being completely ridiculous. Obviously he didn't pick her for that.

"Meredith?"

"Yes?" I quickly snap out of my thoughts.

"Did this elevator really just stop moving?" Addison looks a little anxious.

Seriously. _Seriously_?


	2. Chapter 2

We stare, dumbfounded, at the light showing that we have apparently come to a stop at the third floor.

"Are you kidding me?" Addison mutters, pushing the buttons on the panel in annoyance.

I kick the door in frustration. "Stupid fucking elevators," I say under my breath. I can't be stuck in here with her, of all people. "It can't be a power outage, because the lights are on." Wow, good one, Meredith. That sounded intelligent. Now I'm talking just to fill up the space.

Addison nods. She takes out her beeper and I know exactly who she's paging.

"Why aren't the backup generators working?" I ask her. I wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to distract her from calling Derek.

"I have no idea. Maybe it's mechanical and not electrical, or something." She taps her foot impatiently, and for the hundredth time I wonder how the woman manages to wear three-inch heels all day in a hospital. I look down at my own beat-up sneakers. She lifts her phone to her ear. "Hi. It's me. I'm stuck in the elevator. The second one. Can you call maintenance?" She pauses. "Um, no, I'm not alone." Another pause, where she carefully avoids my gaze. "Meredith." I see her bite her lip lightly as he responds, and I wonder what he's saying. Does he even care if I'm stuck? Does he even care if I'm _alive_?

Well, the looks he gives me every day makes it pretty clear that he does, but I don't even know.

God, this is awkward.

"Okay, thanks." She hangs up and I look at her expectantly. "The other elevators are all working, so he's not sure what's wrong with it. I'm sure maintenance will be here soon."

I nod and tuck a stray strand of ponytail behind my ear. My hair is always all over the place – and hers is always perfect.

Oh my god, _stop comparing_. This is insane.

We both look each other for a moment, and then our eyes awkwardly fall to the floor.

"So," she says conversationally.

"So."

"How's life?" she asks lightly, and then I can tell she immediately regrets it when her eyes widen. She knows how my life is… after she came here, it all went to hell.

"Fine," I say shortly, looking up at the light that is stuck on 3. Jesus, who designed these elevators? There's nothing to look at when you need to avoid someone's eyes. "How about you?"

"Fine."

"Good. That's good."

Awkward silence again.

God, I'd welcome even some _elevator_ music right now. Although I guess that's not appropriate in a hospital.

How many tiles are on the floor? Five, six, seven…

"I don't hate you, you know." She breaks the silence.

I look up quickly. "What?"

"I feel like you think I hate you. And I don't," she says simply.

"Oh." I pause. "I don't hate you either."

I can't hate her. Not when she's so annoyingly kind and gives me hot chocolate. Or ju-ju, whatever the hell that means.

She nods. "Good."

Awkward. Again.

I feel like my head is being hit with an invisible hammer.

My pager vibrates and I look at the screen. _They're saying it's going to be awhile until it's up and running. You okay?_ The message is from Izzie, of course. Izzie, who acts more like a mother to me than… well, than my own mother ever did.

I hold back a groan.

"What is it?" Addison asks.

"It might take some time for this to get fixed."

Addison raises one of her perfect eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

She blows out a deep breath and leans back against the wall before sliding down to the floor. "Well then. Might as well get comfortable."

I force a smile and wonder if it's possible to go insane from awkward claustrophobia.

Could this _get_ any worse?

"So…" Addison looks up at me thoughtfully. "Why don't we talk about how you managed to make my husband fall madly in love with you?"

Oh, lord. I shouldn't have asked.


	3. Chapter 3

"Umm…" I stare at her. Is she serious?

She's looking at me expectantly from where she's sitting against the wall, tucking her knees up to her chin like a kid. I feel strange standing above her, so I sit down on the floor across from her. This is definitely one conversation I never thought I'd be having.

"How did it even begin? You can tell me. I can take it. Seriously." She looks genuinely intrigued and almost eager.

Then it hits me – has Derek ever told her? About how it started and what it became? It's never occurred to me before… but everyone in this hospital can tell that the two of them don't have the world's best communication. I wonder if he's never even bothered to tell her the story, and I can't help feeling a little sorry for her that he shuts her out so much.

"Okay." I tug on my long ponytail, an old anxious habit. "It started out as a one-night stand. I didn't even know he worked here."

"You're kidding."

I shake my head. "Then I came in for my first day of work and there he was."

"You must have _died_," she said with a smile.

I can't help returning it as the memory flashes through my mind. "I did. I ran away, actually. I couldn't believe that a drunken hook up turned up as my boss' boss."

She waits for me to go on. I find it hard to believe that the woman actually wants to hear this. It must be killing her… and does it make me a horrible person if I take a small satisfaction in telling all this?

"I wanted to end it right there," I go on. "But he kept chasing after me, begging him to go out with him. Finally I caved."

"He's very persistent," she says softly.

"Yeah. So then he was practically living at my house… and we just got along so well. It was good. Too good to be true, I guess." I shake my head slightly, coming back to reality. "It was all a lie. All of it. The entire time we were together… he had you. He had a _wife_. And I had no idea."

"He should never have done that to you." She looks pained, but thoughtful. "I didn't… I mean, neither of us knew where we were going in those three months. I was in New York, he was here. We didn't call or talk or send divorce papers or anything. We were in complete limbo. I guess we just didn't know how to deal with it. And he dealt with it by pretending I didn't exist," she said with a slight tone of bitterness.

"But now you're… you know."

She looks away. "Barely. He just acts like…" She stops and looks at me again. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear this."

"No, it's okay," I say, and wonder if it's true.

She sighs. "He's still not all there. He's not in this. He's still in love with you, and he's just waiting for it to pass over or for me to leave him or _something_, anything, to happen. He looks right through me when he sees me. I'm just – " I realize in amazement that her – _Addison Shepherd's_ – voice is cracking. "I'm just so scared of being invisible. I was invisible before and look what happened because I couldn't take it. I'm just so scared." She leans her head down on her knees.

I feel my mouth drop open slightly. Oh, this is just fabulous. I'm with Mrs. McDreamy stuck in a _freaking_ elevator and she's about to have a mental breakdown.

"Dr… I mean, Addison…" I look around as if for someone to help. Oh, that's clever, Meredith. Look around the ten by twelve foot elevator and maybe someone will pop out of thin air and tell you what to do.

She lifts her head and I can tell she's holding back tears. "I'm sorry. I don't do this. I don't cry."

"I know."

"We were… we used to be perfect, once upon a time. We were so in love and so obsessed with each other and we never stopped laughing. We spent every second together, you know? We worked the same hours, we were never apart if we could help it. We fought, of course, but it's just because we're both so goddamn stubborn." She smiles slightly and is looking straight ahead, at a memory I can't see. "And then it just all changed. I wish I knew when, or how. I wish I could go back and pinpoint the moment when we stopped talking and decided that becoming world-class surgeons was more important than each other."

Well now _really_. What am I supposed to say to that?


	4. Chapter 4

I have NO IDEA what to say. Half of me wants to put an arm over her shoulder and comfort her like I would to Izzie or Cristina (okay, maybe not Cristina, because she would slap me), and the other half of me wants to yell at her to suck it up and be grateful that at least she HAS Derek.

"I guess you guys just need time," I say finally. I wonder if I mean it.

She bites her lip slightly, looking away and blinking hard. "I guess." Her eyes are shiny, and it's totally obvious she's willing herself not to cry.

"I mean… he loves you," I say with difficulty.

She looks directly at me. "Not as much as he loves you."

"That's not true," I protest weakly.

She starts twisting that ridiculously nice diamond ring around on her finger. "I don't know. Sometimes he seems like he's trying, and then the next second he's staring at you like a puppy."

I know she's right… and so there's not really much I can say to make her feel better.

I can't help thinking that it's kind of sad that we're both so tormented by one stupid man (one stupid but _perfect_ man) who can't make up his mind completely one way or the other.

"He doesn't want to hurt either of us," she says, reading my mind.

"Well, I guess he thought it would be easier to hurt me," I say with a little bitterness.

She raises an eyebrow. "Do I look like I'm having the time of my life, Grey?"

I can't help smiling a little.

"I really hate elevators," I say conversationally, deciding that we've had quite enough talk about Derek.

"Why?"

"I just feel like I've spent my entire life in them. Looking for my mother, and riding them up and down when I waited for her to get out of surgery. The elevators were like my only source of entertainment in the hospital. I'm just sick of them. And they provide for a lot of awkward situations." I leave out the part about making out with Derek.

"Like, for example," she pretends to think hard, "Being trapped on one with your ex-boyfriend's wife?"

"Yeah, there's that." I glance at my watch. "Oh my god, it's been like an hour."

"Great." She rolls her eyes.

"So do you hate elevators, too?" Might as well keep talking to pass the time.

She shrugs. "No, I kind of like them. They give me time to think and be alone when I have days with people in my face every second."

"That's true."

And now we've run out of things to say again. Addison is still twisting her rings around, looking thoughtful.

"Truth or dare?" I ask suddenly.

"Seriously, Grey?"

"Truth or dare?" I repeat.

She sighs. "Truth."

"Who do you hate the most in this entire hospital?" I look at her expectantly. "You have to answer. And don't say me."

"I already told you I _don't_ hate you," she said. "I just hate what hap – never mind. Okay, who do I hate?" she mused. "Oh, god, I know. That nurse. Bianca. Wallerstein or something. She makes my life absolute hell."

"I think she's nice."

"She hid all my charts last week on purpose. I had to run around like a madwoman to find them." She looks seriously pissed, and I laugh out loud. "Okay, your turn," she says. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," I say boldly.

She pauses. "Come on. Grey, we're in an elevator. What am I supposed to dare you to do?"

I shrug. "Be creative."

"Fine. I dare you to tell me what made you think sleeping with O'Malley was a good idea."

My mouth drops open. "How do you know about that? And that is SO not a dare."

"I was being creative. Answer the question."

I sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I was feeling vulnerable. Maybe I just wanted someone to hold me. Or maybe I'm just a total bitch like everyone says. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

"Good. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"You are so boring," I tease.

"I'm old, sorry," she shrugs.

"Okay, fine, you asked for it. Who's better in bed, Derek or McSte- I mean, Mark?"

Her eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

I nod, trying to keep a straight face because it's absolutely hysterical how uncomfortable this is making her.

Oh, this is fun.


	5. Chapter 5

"I don't believe this," she mutters under her breath. "Derek. Obviously. Or at least… Derek before all this. Now I'm not so sure. Mark was… well, Mark. You've seen the man. He's… well we had a lot of chemistry. But Derek and I weren't exactly having a lot of sex at that point in time." She raised an eyebrow. "You know that Derek's pretty good."

"This is a totally inappropriate conversation," I say. I wonder if Derek likes having sex with her more than me.

"Completely. But so was your relationship with…McDreamy, isn't it?" her voice is light, almost teasing, and I wonder if maybe she's forgiven me for being with him.

I mean, it's not like I _knew_, you know.

"No, not inappropriate at all. It's done. Now he's nothing but…" I pause to think. "My boss. My married ex-boyfriend co-dog-owning boss."

"Oh, well, that's fine then," she laughs.

"Maybe I don't even need a man," I muse. "Now that George moved out, maybe I can get a new dog or something."

Addison groans. "So then when George moves back in, you can dump _another_ dog on us?"

"I don't think he's moving in again anytime soon," I say honestly.

"Really?"

"It's… it's really bad. I did a horrible thing."

"Yeah, I guess you did." She nods.

"So maybe I'll get a new dog. Dogs are fabulous. They're way better than men. Dogs are always happy. Dogs cuddle with you in bed."

I add silently in my head, _dogs_ _don't turn out to be married to someone hotter than you_.

"Why can't you just take back the old one?"

"You don't want Doc?"

She raises a perfect eyebrow – the Addison look, we all call it now. "I live in a trailer, Meredith. It's a little cramped. But…" she sighs. "Derek loves the damn thing."

Suddenly there's a lurch and we both fall sideways.

"It's moving!" I shout out.

"Very observant, Grey."

We both get to our feet and brush ourselves off automatically.

"Think we can throw a fit to the Chief and convince him to put more funding into fixing the elevators?" I ask.

"He probably won't buy it." She runs a hand through her smooth hair and straightens her lab coat and immediately she looks perfect again.

Wait, did she really just break down crying in front of me before or did I just imagine it?

I stare at her, dumbfounded. There's not a trace of the tears from before. How is there NOT even a LITTLE mascara dripping down her cheeks?

Maybe Addison Shepherd doesn't wear mascara. Maybe Addison Shepherd wakes up every day looking absolutely PERFECT without help.

The doors swing open to reveal several doctors standing in front of us, most of them looking relieved and slightly amused. Derek rushes over to us. I notice that he's not sure who to look at.

"Are you… are you both okay?" he asks finally.

"Of course," we answer at the same time.

"It was a nice break from a boring day," Addison says, giving me a small smile.

"Even though I hate elevators," I finish.

Derek nodded, and there's a confused smile creeping across his face. "I was… well, I was a little concerned."

"I have to go check on my patients. They've been waiting." Addison leans over to kiss him gently on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

"Okay." He watches her walk away and I think that maybe he really does love her.

At any rate, I have to give her props for walking away and leaving me to talk to him. The woman has guts.

Derek turns to me. "So you really didn't kill each other."

"No, we really didn't kill each other," I say. I glance at Addison across the room and we exchange an understanding look. "She's really not so bad, you know?"

"I'm glad you see that." He looks impressed.

"But next time I'm taking the stairs."

the end.


End file.
